The Design of My Mind

Boo to Death Cab lyrics

2007-01-10T16:13:00.000-06:00

I hate it when people use "I Will Follow You Into the Dark" lyrics. You aren't dying. Your friends aren't dead. You aren't dying soon after your friends die. We are in our 20s and, provided there are no accidents soon (like the JSlums caving in), we have a good deal of time left.

And why does Pablo T. Fish poop so much?

Note to self:

2006-11-21T20:18:00.000-06:00

If you become an evil villain, never keep barrels of explosive chemicals lying around your secret base. They'll always end up blowing up at the least convenient of times.

Dreams

2006-11-15T12:25:00.000-06:00

I want one day to go just like this.

Anew

2006-11-09T00:08:00.000-06:00

I've decided that I need to write a lot more in this blog. One of my now not-so-secret goals is to write a novel of some sort. The idea of writing that much, about one idea that comes nearly entirely from my head, is tantalizing. I've written five, ten and twenty page reports, but writing 100 [Word document pages, which would probably be like 250 normal pages] is mind-numbingly large and a real accomplishment. I have no desire to publish this future book, but who knows? Maybe if someone likes it enough, I'll try, but I'm not a very good writer. Anyway, write, write, write away:

I've decided that, no matter how lonely I may be when I'm older, I will never join a dating service of any kind. The idea behind couple matching Web sites like eHarmony doesn't make any sense. They match the lonely on preferences such as political affiliations, favorite activities, music choice, personal habits, etc. The problem there lies in the fact that, when two people fall in love, issues like personal habits and political affiliations [unless extreme] are exactly what people will concede in the name of love. I've rarely shared any activity interest, hobbies or musical taste with a girl before we began dating [though as the dating progresses, you begin to pick up each other's tastes]. I doubt any girl was ever looking for the "James Bond obsessed" or simply "dork" when they met me. In fact, intersections of interest are usually just conversation starters. You can just easily start a conversation at a bar [about drinking], at work [about work] or the gym [about triceps].

The beginnings of interest and, eventually, love all come down to whether the two people "click" or not. How much they talk, how much they laugh and how much they smile. These are things you can rarely tell in five minute sessions during dating seminars and never online [clicking the "funny" option for describing yourself does not count]. The only thing I can give the in-person dating services is that it forces a man who lacks in the female interaction category to actually talk to the opposite sex [or same sex, whatever the preference of interaction].

And as for now, while my two roommates both frolic with their respective lovers, I am content with the single life. For awhile at the beginning the semester, I was alone and slightly sad. Those feelings are gone now, replaced with complacency of the single life. I am not set on dating someone immediate, nor am I sticking with being on my own no matter what. Just, whatever happens, happens.

Plus, I am QUITE retired from randomness.

It's that time of the year

2006-11-05T18:49:00.000-06:00

For some people, the holidays mean family, presents, food, parades, etc. To me, it means James Bond fests on SpikeTV. Joy!

T-minus 12 days till Casino Royale.

Wait till next year

2006-11-03T15:47:00.000-06:00

Hey guys,
We didn't win the Chipotle contest but I just want to thank every who checked it out. I hope you enjoyed it and I appreciate all the feedback I got. Thanks!
-Joe

CHECK IT OUT!

2006-10-28T17:03:00.000-05:00

I need everyone to check out the commercial I made with a partner for Chipotle! It's you youtube and, hopefully, you'll enjoy it. Spread the word around to all your friends because the more people who watch it, the better chance I have of winning!

CHECK IT OUT

In case that doesn't work, here is the URL:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=yMZYY2V6zeg

CHEERS!

Bothersome issues

2006-10-15T21:03:00.000-05:00

Annoyances of life [these are usually very tiny, unimportant observations that I really shouldn't care about but do, according to Roseann]:
1. Breast Cancer "Awareness." I understand that fighting against breast cancer and searching for a cure [though there are other cancers...] are both worthy and necessary causes, but what is the point of an "awareness" campaign? We're all "aware" of breast cancer by now. It's the cancer that affects the most women; it's a very serious issue, I know. But awareness isn't an issue, fighting it is. Honking for breast cancer awareness doesn't really accomplish anything.
2. Don't clap after movies. No one is there to appreciate it, unless the projector boy is particularly glad for himself to hit the play key. Note: Snakes on a Plane is an exception.
3. Watching the playoffs with a room full of people who support a team I don't care about [cough Cardinals cough] is an awful experience. As much as I agree with Matthew in that it would be funny to see them swept in the World Series again, being in a bar filled entirely with Cardinals fans makes it had to support the St. Louis team in the NLCS.
4. ESPN baseball announcers.
5. Jokes by a professor that are not only barely funny, but are also written down in advance as if they were dynamite jokes. I love the class and she's a great professor but, c'mon, the jokes are rough.

Despite these things, I am quite happy.

learning is fun!

2006-10-11T17:46:00.000-05:00

Seriosuly, why can't I take like 2564 hours my last semester? How can MU make me choose among classes such as Alexander the Great, Creative Portfolios, Beginning Piano, Later Roman Empire, Famous Trials, Psychology of Baseball, Theology of JRR Tolkein and Drawing I... oh and my capstone and final business minor class. Also I want to TA two labs next semester. Too many classes to take, no time.

Things I enjoy thinking about:

2006-10-08T23:52:00.000-05:00

1. Finding out I am getting a nice check from Campus View for my security deposit [= new shoes].

2. "The Yankees will win the World Series." -George Steinbrenner, spring '06.

3. My Quad playlist [listening to James Bond/Ocean's 11 music while walking].

4. The way this Chipotle commercial is turning out [it's amazing seeing a vision in your head come to life].

5. Casino Royale.

6. My awesome TA class and my plans for future classes.

7. The slow development of my drawing skills and, hopefully, the eventual development of piano skills.

8. The Office, Curb Your Enthusiasm and MXC.

9. Two Missouri interceptions against TT and reactions from TT fans after each interception. Also the #18 ranking in the AP.

10. The idea of making it through Thursday sane.

CRAZY ****!!!!!!!!

2006-09-28T01:48:00.000-05:00

Listen to THIS. You will hear just random noise, but if you pay attention closely, you can hear a very high humming noise [it kind of sounds like that sound the TV in the production room makes occasionally]. What's so crazy about this??? Only young people can hear it. Most people over the age of 25 can't hear this sound. I had to make sure I was facing the computer directly, since if I turned my head to one side or the other, I couldn't hear the nosie anymore, just the random gibberish of the background.
It's being used by phone makers so that if cell phones go off in class, teachers can't hear it. It's also being used as a dance song now too. Here's the story.

Things learned at the Artisan

2006-09-27T01:40:00.000-05:00

1. The root beer they serve there is the best I've ever had.
2. They make a mean root beer float [pint full of ice cream].
3. Ordering a root beer float draws attention to yourself, specifically from groups of studying freshmen and semi-loud, ex-hipi adults, and especially when you express your liking of the delicious root beer float with a loud "mmmmmMMMMMMMM." Apparently root beer floats stopped being cool to order in like 8th grade [their loss].
4. There is a good chance that the beer [not root'd] may be expired, but they just got Newcastle back in.
5. Their cheesecake is delicious but far too rich for any normal person to possibly enjoy the entire thing. Finishing a slice becomes a delicious yet extremely filling [hardly fulfilling] job midway through the piece.

"Stop believin'"

2006-09-26T00:39:00.000-05:00

Well, the White Sox have been eliminated. I should be sad but I am more of struck with the "Oh well" feeling. We'll be good next year, and we were amazing last year, oh well. The only person I truly feel bad for is Jim Thome, because he deserves a ring [also myself becuase Pods might get traded and then my brand new jersey would significantly decrease in emotional value given that it is no longer relevant to the '07 team]. I am rooting for Minnesota and secretly rooting for San Diego [why not?], with even a darker, deeper passion for both the Yankees [Steinbrenner] and the Cardinals [Missouri students] to be eliminated as soon and as brutally as possible.

Moving on, the comm law test got me much more dissapointed. Luckily, youtube provides the world of humor to me in 8 minute fragments.

I haven't been posting much as of late. I want to and I feel as if I should be posting more life-altering theories and ideas, or at least a semi-funny, semi-dork random thought of mine. I haven't had much of either recently, but something will pop up.

From ESPN's Page 2

2006-09-06T20:49:00.000-05:00

If the playoffs started today, the defending World Series champions would be watching from home. But so would everyone else because if the playoffs started today it would be a complete surprise and none of the teams would be able to get travel plans organized in time.

What's more important?

2006-09-01T17:35:00.000-05:00

You can tell what is more important to the people living in the slums by their dishes:

Number of plates washed: 3
Number of bowls washed: 3
Number of cups washed: 22

wow

2006-08-17T17:34:00.000-05:00

Excerpt from my Strat Writing II syllabus:

WARNING!

There is a good chance that when you receive your semester grade, you will be unhappy with it. You may have “tried really, really hard” ...or “worked your butt off” ...and this may be your “favorite class” and you “spend more time on it than any of your other classes”... but I am sad to tell you that you have finally come up against that pesky and thrilling little matter of Talent: just as just as some people are better than others at playing the piano or tackling runners or slam dunking or cooking or singing or mountain-climbing or songwriting...

some people are better than others at creating cool ads. That doesn’t make them better people, just better creative people. (In fact, some very creative people are not very good people at all).

In this class, perhaps, and certainly in your business career, you will encounter those maddeningly gifted people who seem to come up with great stuff without even (apparently) trying. No matter how hard you try, no matter how much you WANT to be dazzlingly creative, the simple truth is that you might not be as good at making ads as your peers and never will be.

?

2006-08-17T16:39:00.000-05:00

I don't even know the back of my hand that well; I don't know what other people are talking about. Who memorizes the back of their hand?

I will give you a cookie if you can tell me what I'm talking about. Think about it.

When will the dancing ever end?

2006-08-13T21:57:00.000-05:00

"I'm Not Afraid" by Frank Sinatra is one of the prettiest songs ever made. "I've Got You Under My Skin" still is #1 though. God what a good song.

The price of heaven is $4.50 (except on Thursdays)

2006-08-07T22:35:00.000-05:00

There's nothing that can make a man happy like finding out that the make up White Sox game he's attending is actually $1 hot dog day because the original rained out day was a Thursday.

Why?

2006-08-05T02:43:00.000-05:00

You know how in movies, the good or bad guy will change the settings on a power generator/bomb/destructive machine from "normal" to "dangerous" or "deadly?" Why do these machiens even have those settings? Why does any machine ever have a "dangerous" setting? What purpose, other than evil ones, does it actually serve?

Cheers to this reporter

2006-08-03T13:49:00.000-05:00

who found this story, and more importantly, the interview:

Basically the story is about some college guy who publicly urinated and fled from the cops. The cops were able to get his name and look him up on facebook to get his accomplice's name. When asked about how the cops got his name on Facebook, the accomplice said:
"I had no idea that old people were wise to Facebook. I thought they referred to it as a doohickey that kids play with," he said. "I got bone-crushed."

Let's review that last part again:
"I got bone-crushed."

At the end of the story, one of the guys said that using Facebook to catch a criminal was "shady." He then stated: "If I am going to be brought down," he said, "I want to be brought down by something more official than Facebook."
Apparently, getting charged with a public urination violation is now "bringing down" the man. I thought being brought down was like being sent to prison for life; but no, a $250 fine is now the new mankind take down.

Anyway, one more time:
"I got bone-crushed."

Hmmm

2006-08-02T19:07:00.000-05:00

Can no country south of the Equator host the Olympics because the seasons are opposite? I did my research and found it only happened once, and it didn't turn out well.

Also, I love Scott Podsednik because he walks and runs but never jogs. Yes, Scotty Pods does not jog, he trots like a horse. Watch him come in from the outfield, what a stallion.

YES!

2006-07-28T15:57:00.000-05:00

http://www.ifilm.com/ifilmdetail/2751590

This is friggin hilarious! I love this because those Mac commercials blatently lie and here is the comeback. Apple treats its customers and target audience like complete idiots [as their Mac vs. PC commercials show by lying on almost everything]. Now, I like Macs and OS10 and such, and my next computer will prob be a Mac cause Apple is in bed with Adobe and the new CS3 will work, supposedly, better on Macs with the Intel chip. But it aggrivates me how stupidly it treats its customers.

A letter

2006-07-28T09:33:00.000-05:00

Dear Photoshop,
I wish I knew how to quit you. I mean, you quit me all the time and that's not fair. You never warn nor apologize. You quit me in the middle of our experience together, without the slightest regard to my feelings or even the creation we made, together. All you leave me with is a small alert, letting me know you unexpectedly quit and if I would like to send a report. You might as well stab me in the back instead of leaving me, unexpectedly at that. And no, e-mailing a report will mend the wounds you have left me.
It seemed silly at the time. Why have auto-save on? You'll never quit me, so I would never lose anything of ours. Besides, having that feature in our relationship would use up a lot of memory; memory that we could share together in far better ways. Or so I thought.
Now I come crawling back. You open to me again, acting as if nothing had ever happened between us. You forget what we just made, even if I did have a chance to save what little there was. So now our love, and soon our new creation, manifests again. But I remember. Unlike you, who's memory seems to fail at convenient times, I remember. Down in the heart of you, Photoshop, awaits that urge to leave. No one, not even the computer, will know why. Yet, once again, you unexpectedly quit. One day I won't take it.
Always,
Joe

P.S. This probably isn't a good place to mention this, but I spent some time with Illustrator. Please don't be mad or quit me again, it was merely plutonic, I swear.

Question:

2006-07-26T22:31:00.000-05:00

For what exact purpose did NASA develop this amazing soft technology that is now used to make super comfy beds?

Ok...

2006-07-26T01:09:00.000-05:00

Now, I'm a pretty big White Sox fan but even this is rediculous to me...
I don't even need to tell a joke for that. BUT, this is almost as good. I would actually mull over buying that.

Yet another reason why I love the British

2006-07-26T00:00:00.000-05:00

What’s Mannerly, Rowdy and Jabs Blair? Question Time
By SARAH LYALL

LONDON, July 25 — The rules governing the ritual known as prime minister’s questions, the weekly parliamentary contest between the government and the opposition, are fairly clear.

Ask a question; do not make a speech. Do not address other legislators as “you” (or “Yo!”). Instead, call them “the honorable gentleman” or “the honorable lady.” No hand-to-hand combat or impromptu use of the Vulcan Death Grip.

But torturing the prime minister by repeatedly accusing him of being a washed-out has-been who should honor his pledge to leave office, while other legislators shout, whistle, guffaw and stamp their feet? Perfectly acceptable.

“I think the prime minister needs to mug up on this area; after all, he will be moving house soon,” the leader of the opposition Conservative Party, David Cameron, said last Wednesday, referring to government delays in a new program affecting home buyers.

His colleague Robert Goodwill asked in mock innocence whether Prime Minister Tony Blair had considered traveling to Scarborough for his summer vacation. “Many people who visit Scarborough as tourists subsequently decide to make it their permanent retirement home,” Mr. Goodwill said.

Unlike the collegially constructed national legislatures in places like the United States, where everyone sits in a convivial semicircle, the House of Commons was built to be adversarial, with legislators glaring directly at one another across a narrow divide. Their benches — they do not have individual seats — are placed the length of two swords apart, which in times past was enough to prevent outbreaks of physical violence.

During prime minister’s questions, the goal is to score points any other way you can, including witty one-liners, withering putdowns, low-blow ad hominem remarks, muttered asides and the enthusiastic verbal pummeling of anyone who falters.

After nine years in power, the once inviolable Mr. Blair has looked vulnerable to such attacks lately, what with so much going wrong at once.

The health service is in financial crisis. Plans to issue national identity cards have been delayed. The Iraq war is increasingly unpopular. The government is facing charges that it rewarded its biggest donors by nominating them for membership in the House of Lords. In the Commons, Labor’s once mighty majority has dwindled to a sliver. Mr. Blair’s tough-guy deputy, John Prescott, has become entangled in personal and political scandals.

All told, this gives the ravening opposition plenty of good material, particularly when it comes to the matter of Mr. Prescott, who recently admitted to an affair with his secretary and was then spotted playing croquet when he was supposed to be filling in for Mr. Blair.

A man who once responded to an egg-throwing incident on the campaign trail by punching the perpetrator, Mr. Prescott does not like to be teased. That is why the Conservatives took such delight in begging Mr. Blair last Wednesday to remain in Britain for his summer vacation.

“One of the benefits for the rest of us, of course, is that he would not have to leave the deputy prime minister in charge,” said John Maples, who represents Stratford-upon-Avon.

Like the feral schoolboys in “Lord of the Flies,” members of Parliament are quick to pounce on weakness. When in the heat of the moment Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher once reverted to her humble roots and used the regional word “frit” in place of “frightened,” the Labor Party never let her forget it, shouting “Frit! Frit!” at delicate parliamentary moments for years afterward.

More recently, when Mr. Blair said that “what we need is more antisocial behavior” (he meant antisocialbehavior legislation), the Tories practically fell off their benches with laughter.

London people alert:

2006-07-25T23:48:00.000-05:00

WHAT THE FREAK IS THIS???

This is the proposed expansion of the Tate Modern. Now, I unfortunately did not have time to go inside the Tate Modern [and I regret it a lot] but still, this looks awful. The Thames riverwalk [especially that side of the river] is gorgeous and idk about this.

Mystery next door

2006-07-23T20:10:00.000-05:00

So apparently the house to the right [facing my house to your left] has had a slight history of crime. When I was little, the neighbours living there had a gambling ring at their restaurant and in their house. One day, the guy got pulled over for falling asleep at the wheel. He had a paper bag with $35,000 in it, from various gambling profits. When asked why he had so much money, he responded "It was the best day ever at the restaurant."
Now, the new neighbours [not really new but now currently living there after the gambling family retired to Reno, Nevada], have a new issue. Five years ago, the brother of their brother-in-law shot and killed the nanny of the brother-in-law and she dumped him. This killer had been to the house next door several times as teh family was close. He fled to Mexico after the murder. Just this week, a $200,000 reward was posted for his capture.
Fun stuff.

Stunt City [great commercial]

2006-07-18T19:44:00.000-05:00

I have an near uncontrollable urge to jump off one of the Chicago River bridges and land on the roof of a tour boat passing by. Then, as I roll off and join the tourists on the boat, say something witty like "Rush hour."

Hmmmm

2006-07-15T23:28:00.000-05:00

I wonder what word the saying "Down to the last T" is referencing to. I bet it's "perfectionist."

Also, a little irony for you.

Renewed life goal

2006-07-14T00:50:00.000-05:00

After watching Elimidate tonight, in which Bill Clinton's 4th cousin took his girls on a police escort ride through Arkansas [I wonder who paid for that one taxpayers?] and one girl hit another, I have renewed my life goal of being on Elimidate OR Next. If I am to be on Elimidate, I want the girls competing for me. That sounds selfish but I think it would be more fun to entertain the typical girl choices: 1. Moderately smart girl who fights with the dumb girl 2. Dumb girl 3. Slut and dumb girl 4. Really weird and/or shy girl [she's always gone first, probably talked into doing the show by her friends in an attempt to break her shyness]. BUT, on Next, I would definitely compete against the other guys cause the conversations on the bus are friggin hilarious and idiotic.

How smart can an Apple be?

2006-07-11T22:59:00.000-05:00

So my boss' Apple G5 crashed and myself and the other intern were sent to the Michigan Ave. Apple store to go to the "Genius Bar" to get it fixed. Now, though our appointment was for 3:20, we didn't get called till 4:30 [something I had read in the Chi Trib that would happen]. Anyway, my first instinct when I finally called called up, after seeing the "Genius" shirts was to ask, "Genius? Really? You guys are geniuses?" I mean, if my guy is a genius, then
1. Why is he working at the Apple store?
2. Why was the appointment delayed an hour? If this guy is, in fact, a genius, shouldn't he be able to solve problems immidiately, and be on time?
3. Shouldn't he be doing more than handling people who don't realize their iPod is not broken, but they just had the Hold button on?
I think "Really good at telling you what's wrong with your Apple product" is a slightly better decription. Also, if this is really a bar, they should serve drinks while you sit there and wait for the Apple "genius" to figure out what your Apple problem is.

Oooo parents

2006-07-05T20:21:00.000-05:00

Conversation with the parents about me turning 21:
Dad: I don't want you getting bombed on your 21st.
Me: I know.
Mom: Well that's what I did haha.
Dad: What??? Did you just drink beer?
Mom: No, they just lined up shots in front of me and I took them.
Dad: Ugh, way to set a good example.
Mom: Well it was tradition!

Quote of the week from my ad book:
On good radio advertising:
"Your spot just interrupted your listener's music. It's like interrupting people having sex. It you're going to lean in the bedroom door to say something, make it good: "Hey, your car's on fire."

Dun dun DUUUUN

2006-06-28T21:36:00.000-05:00

I want to say somethng dramatic to a group of people, preferably friends, then fade into a commercial break somehow.
Seriously, what do these people do after they say something dramatic [which we don't get to see cause it fades out]? I bet they just say it, then slowly back out of the room and run. That's what I would do.

White Sox Week by the numbers

2006-06-26T11:28:00.000-05:00

Games attended: 5
Wins: 4 [but even Sunday's lost was an amazing game, we came back down 9-1 to tie it]
Home Runs: 13
Grand Slams: 2 [including one by my boy Scott Podsednik!!!]
White Sox runs scored: 50 [that's insane for 5 games by the way]
Most runs scored in one game: 20
Number of times Sausage won the pizza race: 2 [that's also insane by the way, Sausage clearly runs the races on sedatives]
Dance contests I was in: 1
Superman premiere tickets won from dance contest: 1
Firework shows seen: 1
Shirts caught: 1
Times we were on ESPN: 2
Hot dogs eaten: 10
Helmet sundaes: 1
CTA Rides: 7

Number of games that turned out to be amazing: 5

What an incredible week. Each game had its own mememorable parts and each were just extremely fun to go to.

We are laughing...

2006-06-24T14:48:00.000-05:00

When dogs throw up, they do it so silently [as I found out today...]. What if dogs were like humans, and when it came time for the reversal of food fortune, you could hear dogs go "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA."

On that note, I think I'm getting back my ability to make people laugh again. It kind of died out in Europe, but yesterday and today, I'm getting back on track. Here's hoping for the best.

What's in a dork?

2006-06-19T21:36:00.000-05:00

Something makes me smile/happy with conversations that end in either "We're big losers" or "Wow, you're a dork Joe." This usually means were doing something out of the ordinary, pretty fun and/or funny, and it almost always was originally concocted in my mind. Hey, dork is the new cool. Try it out, it's fun.

Not exactly Brian, but...

2006-06-16T11:12:00.000-05:00

If Microsoft Excel were a person, it would be a deuche bag. Just a simple asshole. Excel would show up to parties and people would say "Fucking Excel is here. Who invited Excel? The guy doesn't listen to shit you tell him, and refuses to move these damn pie charts out of our way." You know what Excel, the world doesn't have the centered around you. Left align just once. Stop auto aligning and adjusting everything, I can do it myself. You don't need to get your dirty cells into everything. And to Microsoft, this is why the cool people hang out at Adobe's place. Excel is a deuche bag and Power Point is like the weird, 40 year old guy at a party who keeps hitting on the young, cute girls.

"Someone shit on the coats."
"I bet it was Excel, that deuche bag."

Circle of Life

2006-06-15T15:29:00.000-05:00

It's a nice thought to know that, no matter where you are, how far you make it up the company ladder, or even what job you get into, you'll always have printer problems.

In British news:

Mahlon Hector, 22, pleaded guilty to sending a live tarantula in a box to a female co-worker at a Marks & Spencer store in Leicester. At the same time, he handed his bosses there his resignation. Neither the intended recipient nor the spider was hurt. Mr. Hector, 22, is to be sentenced later on a charge of sending a threat. He did not reveal his motive in court. When workers at the store discovered the Mexican red-kneed tarantula — considered venomous but docile and commonly used in films because of its scary appearance — they alerted the Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals, which took it away. "It was a daft idea," a spokesman for the society said. "The woman who received it must have been terrified."

Observation Conservation

2006-06-14T23:17:00.000-05:00

I love people watching. Walking down Chicago, I spend a massive amount of my time either admiring the Chicago skyline or watching the people by me. I like to watch these people and, based on what I see, guess at their personality, their personal life, where they work, etc. I'd like to think I'm pretty good at it. I've been fairly accurate with the people I've made estimates on and later got to know better. Now, I usually try to keep open minded when I get to know a person, keeping in thought that my previous estimate was based strictly on my first impressions based on the superficial descriptions my eyes report to me. Either way, today, I learned a lesson.
This guy, roughly late 40s or early 50s, white hair, about 5'6" and 210 lbs, takes the same train as I do in the morning. He looks like he's been to the tanning booth one too many times and always looks aggitated, like his dog always pees on his shoes before he leaves for work. Based on what I saw over the course of a couple of mornings, I guessed this guy probably had a shady job, or shady business on the side. Something about him said he wasn't the nicest person or he didn't care much for other people. Anyway, today I passed out on the train as usual of late and, despite the train arriving in Chicago, I did not wake up. This guy, who in my mind was a creep of some sort, was the only one in the car to tap me and wake me up. Without his actions, I would have been well late for work. Forgive me sir, I was wrong. I hope one morning I can return the favour.

Also, as time distances me from my wisdom teeth drug days, I am enjoying myself more and more. I'm kind of freaked out by how depressed I was during that week. Anyway, I'm getting a ton done. I'm reading a lot, going through as much music as possible [so those of you who show up for Move don't have to listen to the same 20 songs every production night], and watching movies I should have seen ages ago. I also have a master plan for getting on ESPN a week from Sunday at the White Sox/Astros game. My parents still think I'm seriously depressed, and keep asking me if I'm OK. It's kind of getting annoying.

Finally, Sox, my dog, has the best personality of any dog on earth. He is so much fun and incredibly funny. He's simply awesome.

All aboard!

2006-06-09T09:20:00.000-05:00

I really like the conductors on Metra. They have fun with their job, despite the fact that they literally do the same thing every single day. Today, our conductor, with his heavy Chicago accent, made fun of the prerecorded "Don't bring alcohol on to the train" lady. Everytime the recording played, the conductor would come on afterwards and say something like "What a party pooper." I was hoping once, just once, he would respond to the message with "What a bitch," but there were kids on the train. They also like to make jokes as we arrive into Chicago. Little things like that make the day good. Maybe that's why work is one of the few good things I have this summer.

Handshake Drugs

2006-06-04T14:20:00.000-05:00

I'm really glad I am off the drugs they gave me from my wisdom teeth getting pulled. They made my sinuses hurt and I had the weirdest dreams and didn't have a single good night of sleep. Some of my dreams included: Betsy's dog turning into a wolf and eating me, monkeys chasing me down a street [and when I woke up, I could still see the monkeys in my bed for a minute before they went away], one dream where I basically just read pamphlets and named the font they used, oh and I also dreamt a movie preview. Literally, I had nothing to do in the dream, it was just a preview for some samurai movie. I sleep better now. Oh, also I think the drugs were the reason I was like severely depressed last week.

Also, the production room at The Maneater has even newer computers and they have cameras in them. It's really kind of creepy cause the cameras are cheap and make you look freaky on the screen. Then again, I think I know some people who wouldn't mind watching themselves design/write.

Fake Tales of San Francisco

2006-06-02T21:59:00.000-05:00

Wow there is a mean lady at my work. She isn't there all the time, but she struck today. She argues with everyone, and is clearly bitter inside about something. She created roughly 7 awkward silences at our one hour lunch today, it was amazing. Patricia from The Maneater couldn't create 7 awakard silences in that time [though laughter may have to do with that]. Simply anything you would say she would just fight about and make rather mean arguments or comments, then other co-workers would rush to quickly change the subject. Anyway, next time she goes into that tear, I plan to see how far she goes, specifically by seeing what she can argue when I say things like:
"God puppies are cute."
"Smoking gives you cancer."
"The Holocaust was bad."
"Chuck Norris is dangerous."
..............................................................................................
Speaking of the last one, I found another Web site with all the Chuck Norris stuff, some I hadn't seen before. Here are some of the one's that made my inappropriately laugh at work:

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Jawbreakers were originally in the shape of Chuck Norris' fist.
Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter."
Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
When Chuck Norris exercies, the machine gets stronger.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Chuck Norris' cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.
.......................................................................................................................
Finally, when you are bored during the afternoon, make your way to the Metra station in Chicago and watch middle aged men in suits do a Cha Cha version of running as they attempt to make their trains. They don't actually increase their speed, just sort of wave their body around as they walk. It's awesome to watch.

Blah

2006-05-31T19:47:00.000-05:00

I made the best purchase on ebay: MXC DVDs. The guy who does it not only has each episode divided up on teh DVDs so you can quickly pick what show you want to watch, but even each episode is broken up into the games, so you can quickly jump to your favourite game. How awesome is that?
Outside of that, the only positive of this summer will be work. I am getting to work on designing ads that are being published and having my skills tested well beyond what I am capable of doing [but I learn]. Outside of that, no luck. The weekly poker night that was the thing to do last summer, getting up to 13 people one night, can't even muster up 4 or 5. People to hang out with are busy,working, out of town, or 21. I keep trying to charge myself up for the summer, not wanting to waste nice weather, but I've given up. I stay positive for a day or two, then it drops down when plans fall through again. I'm glad work is starting cause then I will get into a groove and summer will go by fast. What's ironic is I have more free money to spend then ever before on drinking, girlfriend, shopping, etc., yet I can't or don't want to do any of those. Looks like it's time to save.
Blah, I hate feeling sorry for myself, it's pathetic.

Deal or no deal

2006-05-25T22:20:00.000-05:00

So I finally got to watch Deal or No Deal in English. Wow, this show is TERRIBLE. It's soooo dumb. There is no point or skill required whatsoever. In this episode, there are twins and they both have shaved heads. One is the contestant and the other is with the family. They got each other so pumped up and kept rejecting the deals even though he clearly was losing. And the contestant kept harassing these girls who open the cases, like "Make it low! MAKE IT LOW CUTIE!" These girls are just like hey, I smile and open the case, leave me alone. Whoa, they just opened the 300,000 case and I think I just heard "Fuck!" from the contestant. And now the two bald twins just hugged a bald Howie Mandel. Ok, now this next contestant is using FLASH CARDS to pick her cases. Wow... Those stories aren't really going anywhere but yea, stupid show. Although, I do like this show cause it's the only one where I find myself rooting against the contestant and taking pleasure in his or her mistakes. They should allow the viewers at home to know what's in the case, so we can take pleasure in a contestant joking themselves. And what's with that Star Trek good bye wave that Mandel does?

Anyway, lately I've been suffering from a bit of mini-depression because I've decided that junior year was just so much fun [first semester and London] that now being home is a bit of a downer. I'm recovering and cheering up, but the thing that sucks the most is that, when I'm down, my jokes are terrible. Seriously, lately I have not been funny. Oh well, here's to funnier times in the future.

New life goal

2006-05-20T22:59:00.000-05:00

I have a new goal in life: to write a good genital herpes commercial. I want one that doesn't make people laugh once the commercial starts because the first line is "Hello, I have genital herpes."

2wo things

2006-05-19T23:29:00.000-05:00

1. Why do old people have such boring conversations? I mean, if you ever listen in on them talking, they say the most generic, boring, uninsightful observations. Is this what happens when you become old? Do you just run out of interesting things to say after awile? Idk what I would do if that was true....
Note: Old people stories and life lessons, when told for the FIRST time, are an exception.

2. Now, I am not that offended when the word "hero" is used in sports. I mean, some people don't think professional athletes are heroes but that's not true. They often inspire the best out of people and can even unite a country [World Cup anyone?]. But then there is ESPN, which exaggerates everything. For instance, the headline for the Marlins/Devil Rays game was: Huff's heroic blast pushes Devil Rays past Marlins. First off, one home run in standard interleague play does not make anyone a hero. Second of all, it's the Marlins and the Devil Rays. They are in last place in their respective divisions. How heroic can you be when you are just baseball fodder for other teams? I mean, there are people who are heroic who don't finish first all the time. But this game is meaningless; not to mention there are walk off home runs all the time.

blah blah blah

2006-05-17T21:46:00.000-05:00

As the summer break approached, I was really looking forward to relaxing for the summer. I was tired from the past two semesters, and figured it would take a good amount of time to recover. Well, two weeks into the break and I want it to be over already. I'm bored out of my mind. Granted, my internship hasn't started yet, but that's only 3 days a week. What am I going to do the other four days? I plan on reading, Move redesign, etc.; but those aren't enough.
The last two semesters, especially fall semester, helped me realize that I really love being busy. I mean, nearly overwhelming busyness. The adrenaline rush of always being on deadline is a lot of fun, and gives me far more drive than anything else. I like working on things that affect other people, something reading and running [though both fulfilling] do not accomplish.
Some friends are still at school, so I guess that has some to do with it. But even then, people have girlfriends and such, so idk how much that will help.
It could also have to do with suddenly moving from London [hip, fun, exciting, busy] to a suburban house [laid back, lazy, boring, uneventful].
What sucks about being bored is your mind gets bored, which leads you to think about stuff you don't need to think about. Check that, things you need to think about, have and are now overthinking about. When you are bored, all you do is overthink anything remotely on your mind. Analyzing and criticizing anything you think about, it's awful. It leads you to conclusions way out of reality, but luckily I usually catch myself in time. Overthinking is what gets a lot of nervous people [whether its about girls, work, baseball, clowns, etc] into a lot of trouble.
Ooo there is a rock climbing commercial on TV, maybe I will do that. I was also thinking about getting another job, maybe like Borders or something. I don't want to work in another clothing store again [sorry Ruehle]. I don't even really need the money, I just want to do something. Something that gets me out of the house and working with other people.
Idk. I'm bored during the day and night. Blah.

Also, I think they should not allow fake clapter on shows like David Letterman. If your joke bombs, take it like a real comedian. We aren't laughing at home; we aren't fooled.

You win and we do it the other way!

2006-05-17T00:23:00.000-05:00

There's nothing like an MXC episode to cheer you up. Today's was couple's episode, and it was awesome.

Cats in the craddle

2006-05-15T14:59:00.000-05:00

Why is that when a person falls or crashes, there is a cat screaming [that RAR sound] when the fall occurs? Why are cats always on the the bottom of the fall? Maybe they just make that sound because they have some phobia of chrases and "RAR" when they see a fall happen. Where are all the dogs in these situations?

Exc!tement

2006-05-13T22:01:00.000-05:00

On Poker Superstars on FSN, when someone gets knocked out, it's called being busted. Well, someone in the Hooters marketing division deserves a big promotion for this sponsorship. When someone gets knocked out, it's "Hooters' Bust Out." Think about it. If you don't get it, I can explain later.

?uestion

2006-05-12T23:58:00.000-05:00

Is it bad that I can't remember the last time I felt stressed? I mean, I don't think I'm a slacker. I kept myself pretty busy in my pre-London semesters. Is it the challenge? We'll see next semester. I think I filled my plate up enough, but who knows?

Music of the Night

2006-05-10T22:48:00.000-05:00

When you F up your iTunes and have to rerate all your music and delete missing files, you realize how much you are sick of what you have. I have like a billion songs to go through, which is especially annoying because, as some of you who really know me know, I listen to maybe like the same 20 songs over and over again. Even the songs I listen to I am sick of. My music blows and not only am I away from Mizzou so I can't download more music for free, but I wouldn't even know where to start because I've been out of touch with any American music since December. Blah.

In good news, I've bought my first two design books in hopes of starting a mini design library. So that's fun.

I <3 Illustrator

2006-05-08T21:41:00.000-05:00

Original vs. Illustrated
[get it? I used Illustrator to make it... anyone? anyone??]
Anyway, this is awesome:

HOW COOL IS THIS??? Notice the best parts: my t-shirt and the Move spray painted on the wall.

Thoughts on pictionary

2006-05-08T01:13:00.000-05:00

So Betsy reminded me of pictionary and the days I use to play it online and so I definitely had to take a trip down memory lane. First off, what is it about that game and playing it online that makes you want to instinctively answer with the most racist or absurd thing that comes to your mind? I also have a tendancy to take the drawings far too literally. One girl drew a building with a dollar sign on it, and I got all "O o o money house! Moneyhouse! Cash house!" And then I see the answer and it's just like "Oh, I guess bank makes sense too..."
Anyway, three things bother me about the game.
1. When people just join the game, draw their turn, and leave. They miss out on the whole guessing experience.
2. People who can't draw at all. One girl skipped all ten words. One of the words was God. She couldn't think of a single thing to draw to represent God. Then there are the people who try so hard but cleary just can't draw with a mouse. It's so bad you can only guess Lines? Scribble? Puke? Nonsense? The Student News? The only good part about bad drawing is seeing what other people guess.
3. Sometime's they just give you rediculous words to draw. How am I suppose to graphically depict a tonsil? Who know what that looks like, seriously. That would be a great word if I were playing that game at a doctor's convention, but not on Yahoo.

But that does lead me to the joke of the day [semi racist, for which I apologize]: I think it would be a good but terrible practical joke for Yahoo! to give one person the word "Mohammed" to draw.

wtf

2006-05-07T06:08:00.000-05:00

It's 6 in the morning and I can't sleep. I slept for two hours and then woke up randomly an hour ago; now I can't fall back asleep. This sucks, I left a party early cause I was super tired and now I can't even sleep, even though I am still tired. This is making me absolutely miserable and angry, neither of which I particularly wanted to feel right now. I just want to sleep. I don't even have sheets on this bed, and I am using a small, squishy pillow that is awkward to sleep on. I wish I was on a couch somewhere, or even a bed of nails. I bet I'd fall asleep on a bed of nails. Look at me, I am talking about nail beds at 6 in the morning and writing a stream of consciousness on a blog no one reads. This sucks. Seriously, I am unhappy.

YOU CAN PUT IT ON THE BOARD

2006-05-03T09:36:00.000-05:00

WHO GETS TO GO TO THEIR FIRST WHITE SOX GAME TONIGHT??? OH YEA I DO!

You win

2006-05-02T11:54:00.000-05:00

So, everyone else in the world likes my hair long. I am the only one who liked it short. So, I got a haircut today and kept it somewhat long. It looks pretty good, but you all better like it or it's gonna be short again next haircut.

Bloody hell

2006-05-01T14:17:00.000-05:00

I'm in London withdrawl... I've decided I really want to work in London for a couple of years before I turn 30. It has to be before 30 because I don't want to go to a bar or club and be one of those weird, older guys who won't let go of their younger days.

Anyway, I should be feeling better upon my return to Columbia this weekend. I'm pumped for Hoochfest.

Goodbye but not farewell

2006-04-27T18:09:00.000-05:00

Well, my time in London is now up. One final post from abroad [unless I get a random thought later tonight, but I digress].
I just wanted to say a final thanks to all the people I met out here. Looking back at it, I've had just a complete blast this entire semester and I'm quite lucky for these four months and the people I've spent it with.
Specifically, I have to thank my flat 17 girls [Amanda, Taylor, Liana, Amy and Stephanie] along with Ross for being the best travel/party partners in London and Europe. You'd think with the many cities and sites we've seen, there would have been at least one bad trip. But, at least for me, every single one was amazing, with Italy and Barcelona being the best. Seriously, the entire week of Italy was just nonstop fun [though there was a drunken fight that I don't remember...], and it was largely because of the people I was with. There are far too many London memories to mention, but I couldn't have picked better drinking buddies. We've all gotten pretty close this semester, some more than others, yet I hope to see you all again soon. You all better visit!
A quick thanks to Brianne for being my running partner in Hyde Park. London Marathon 08 or 09?
And finally, to my dear Derek: I know you well, I know your smell. Goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend...

I called it

2006-04-27T05:22:00.000-05:00

Of course, the NYT stealin my story ideas...

Pe prepared

2006-04-25T15:52:00.000-05:00

Those of you in London who read my blog, be prepared for the duet of Flat 1 Knaresborough tomorrow at BLC. More to come....

I need a coat with leather elbow patches

2006-04-25T07:33:00.000-05:00

I'm going to teach next year, woot!!! Technically I'm just a TA but I have my own lab, so still, I get to teach. Start signing up for Strat. Design I, you know you want to.

Point-Counterpoint

2006-04-24T10:59:00.001-05:00

On how dorky I potentially may be:

Point: I went around London today taking pictures of James Bond filming locations.

Counter point: Went shopping at Selfridges and Co. and got a sexified button up shirt for partying tonight and for Hoochfest next weekend.

Point: I bought the final stickers for my travel journal that has been labeled my "dork book."

Counterpoint: I can realize that, no matter how Euro you are, a 1980s St. Louis Cardinals jacket buttoned up completely, along with designer jeans, does not look good.

Point: I woke up to "Circle of Life" this morning.

Counterpoint: That song was followed up by Death Cab, Postal Service, ACDC and Dave Matthews.

It's a tough one...

Anyway, quote of the day:
"My second reaction is that we have to stop this. If we start with sheep, then next it's the cows and horses."
-Netherland city's mayor in reaction to advertising on sheep along Dutch highways.

Wow...

2006-04-21T04:55:00.000-05:00

So as you can read from my post below, I had a few drinks last night. Idk why I'm so proud of myself, I just walked someone home, but hey, go team!
Anyway, stories from last night:

I got my first Prince William look alike comment. BUT, it came from a homeless person who shouted out "He looks like Prince Willy!!!" Sweet?

The best quote of the night came after Pat told Derek that the nearby homeless person had Derek's beer. DK turned to the homeless person and shouted "Fuck you! You have my beer!" and started laughing. The homeless person took it in good fun.

elafjsadgj

2006-04-20T20:07:00.000-05:00

Ye!
t feels good to do what's right with no expectations for urself. img lad i did the right thign tongiht, also im drunk and i ant wiat to see eveyne at thome!!! sepaking of thome, how awesome is he for the sox?/ eheh ehee???? anwyay, im happ ytongiht even tho i go home [aprt of the way[ alone. its good and i did the righ trhin. ya for oe. oh yea. how are uuuu. lets see some message s on this port! yea! go team! antyways, im excited for home and for all of yu! oh yea!
0jeo

YES!!!!

2006-04-18T11:57:00.000-05:00

Hello Joe,

I am pleased to tell you that we would like to offer you an internship position at Hoffman York Chicago this summer. Please let me know as soon as possible whether you accept this offer.

I look forward to hearing back from you soon.

Thank you!

Think of me

2006-04-18T06:09:00.000-05:00

This suddenly hit me yesterday, but I've been so caught up in how excited I am for various activities at home, that I haven't even realized that I'm actually going to miss a good numbe rof things about London. I'm gonna miss riding the Tube, being able to go to some of the best clubs and pubs in the world, being at one of the global centers of pop culture and fashion, etc. I'm afraid that things back home may seem dull quickly compared to here. Luckily I've got fun friends to look forward to that'll make up for non-London.
Speaking of which, I came here with the idea of making no emotional attachments while I was here. For the most part, I did a good job. But again, I'm surprised [though I really shouldn't be] that there are a few people I will actually miss after the study abroad is over. I'd like to think I see these people again, but you never know. Although I have to say, everyone better be coming to Hoochfest in August. I'll remind you again.

That being said, highlights from Barcelona:
I watched six bulls mercilessly killed in a bullfight on Easter Sunday. We all actually enjoyed ourselves a good deal, though not a single matador got pummeled. Looks like I have to go back until one does. Seriously, I want to see one of those guys get flung into the air several times like a doverman to a ragdoll. Amy and I were calling for blood, to no avail.
The beach and everything that goes with it [like the ocean aka Mediterranean Sea] and an incredibly fun boardwalk run.
The knowledge that one day, way in the future, a futuristic archaeologist will unearth my cell phone from the sands of the beach, and attempt to guess at what it was for. I should leave future man a voice mail or text message.
Picasso Museum and Park Guell, both of which were quite interesting to walk through. Not to mention another awesome poster for my room has now been purchased. My future apartment room will be a swirl of international flavour.

Barcelona was easily the second best trip of the semester, second to Italy. I'll be seeing you all very soon [two and a half weeks].

Dream a little dream

2006-04-13T10:27:00.000-05:00

So I usually check the standard sites on the internet before I go to bed. This has resulted in dreams that revolve around:
A. The White Sox.
B. Friends back home.
C. People who have recently updated their facebook profiles.
Guess which one confuses me the most when I wake up.

Anyway, wish me luck for my internship interview tonight.

Go Sox.

Burned

2006-04-11T14:26:00.000-05:00

Ashleigh's, my fellow American intern, response to me showing her my stick figure drawings from being bored during lecture:

"Wow... you're a dork."

Ugh

2006-04-10T17:22:00.000-05:00

You would think no commercials in a show would be awesome, but it's not. There's no break at all during a show. You can't pee... at all... until the show is over. It's annoying.

Are you serious

2006-04-09T10:28:00.000-05:00

It amazes me that people will spend a good amount of money ($200) to play a poker tournament and be complete idiots when they play. How much money do these people blow in a day?

Singin in the rain

2006-04-08T19:11:00.000-05:00

Today was mixed with goods and bads, I'm tryin to figure out if it was a good day or bad day...
Bads:
1. Sox lost... to the Royals...
2. I got little of my project done. The British Museum is annoying, hard to use, and it takes a long time. I have to do all my work tomorrow.
3. Sox lost...
4. A bit lonely here in Flat 1.
5. Sox lost...

Goods:
1. I made a triumphant return to online poker. You might as well call me Superman with my x-ray vision. I could see people's cards and knew what they had better than they did. Let's just say I finished the night up.
2. Javier Vazquez's curveball was almost as orgasmic as those nachos from last night.
3. The music I listened to wasn't much different from what I normally listen to everyday, but I especially enjoyed it today.
4. My run today was quite good, good enough that I'm gonna go for one tomorrow as well.
5. I bought delicious french bread that was the food highlight of the day.
6. Cleaned up flat 1, at least the dishes.
7. Wearing my Sox jersey always makes me feel good.

You would think that since there are more numbers under the "Goods" that this would result in classifying today as a good day, but you must consider the weight the Sox carry in losing, especially with their slow start this season.

Idk... too hard to say.

Also, I remembered a random thought I had from Paris:
Wouldn't it be ironic if the Franklin D. Roosevelt Metro stop in Paris wasn't handicapped accesible?

Wow

2006-04-07T10:35:00.000-05:00

So during lunch with my co workers and four pints later, these are some of the conversations I came across with my British fellows:
First of all, I was asked if it were true that all American girls give good blow jobs. The reasoning behind this was that Americans begin to drive at 16 and aren't legal until 18 so, you know, what else are we going to do for two years???
I found out what a dental dam is, and thats disgusting.
My British co-workers fully talked about their experiences with anal sex as well as the possibilities of fisting and which can stretch more, the vagina or the anal canal. At this point I just listned and did not partake in the convo.
I found out one of my co-workers [actually my reference on my resume] did not actually leave on his own terms and he was actually forced out.

Anyway, best lunch at work ever.

HOLY ASFJ;ASFJ;AFJ;KLJADSS;DFJAF

2006-04-06T08:09:00.000-05:00

THEY ARE MAKING OCEAN'S 13!!!!!

http://imdb.com/title/tt0496806/

ALSFJL;DSJF;KLJASF;LAJSDFL;JASDF;JDASFJ;LJDASF

DFLASDJFGJ;ASDFJ;FJ;ASJDFJDSFKL;AFJ;AJLSA

MY LIFE IS SET.

Ladies...

2006-04-06T04:14:00.000-05:00

It should be duly noted that when you wear a white blouse/shirt/sweater and a dark bra, we can see through the stated white garment and clearly see the bra, even make out the pattern occasionally. This is not only distracting, it is actually also quite unattractive and annoying. Especially when you are the boss of a marketing agency division and sit directly across from interns.

A Phantom esque escape

2006-04-05T12:53:00.000-05:00

So I was talking to this girl in walking transit to the Earl's Court Tube station. We were talking for about 3 min or so when we approached Earl's Court Road and I turned left. She was talking, and all of a sudden she just stopped. I turned to see why, and she was gone. This girl had completely and utterly vanished. I looked down the road the other direction and back down the road we came, no one. This girl basically did a ninja vanish in midsentence. It was friggin weird.

Quote of the day 2

2006-04-05T06:00:00.000-05:00

"Myth: Wolves are dangerous to humans.
Fact: You have a better chance of being hit by a metorite than being eaten by a wolfe.

Unless you wake up naked in the woods."

-Dwight
The more you know...

Quote of the day

2006-04-05T05:33:00.000-05:00

The only debate about the rings in the Sox's clubhouse was about where or how often one might wear such a flashy symbol of success. Typically, Guillen had an answer.

"I might wear all my rings," Guillen said, "and look like a pimp."

I am on fire

2006-04-03T10:44:00.000-05:00

There are a lot of blog entries today [scroll down and see] because the bad jokes and random thoughts keep coming. The newest one:

One of the worst human experiences is your pen dying in the middle of class. It's like a little piece of you ran out too...

These aren't even funny, just bad. This is the life of Joe. When I create a door to my house with The Life of Joe on it like all the medieval churches and Roman palaces, there will be two stories told on it. One will be Joe fighting off a lion and serpent, cause that looks cool. The second will be Joe telling bad jokes. I don't know how to visually represent that, but there are creative door makers out there.

Speaking of my future house, the Phantom of the Opera has taught me one key feature necessary in a house: trap doors, secret mirrors and passages, and chairs you can dissapear from are all required to a house. How awesome would it be if you had a party at your house and, right when it was about to end, you just go, "Ok guys, that was fun but I must be off." and POOF you drop through the floor and are gone. That would be the hit of the party. Also an annoyingly long canal to my bedroom that would require me to row like a gondolier at -1 mph would be cool.

In the Office

2006-04-03T10:27:00.000-05:00

At what point do the computer and printer decide that, no matter what you told it to do, they aren't going to do it anymore? Right now I'm trying to print a poster I made. The printer is just putting out a blank peice of paper. Clearly, the printer basically said "F that, I don't feel like printing that out now. Take this blank piece of paper and draw it, I'm done for the day." I can't use the color printer anymore because that one decided it's not talking to anyone or any computer anymore. I think that one is feeling blue... [blaaah that joke was so bad it even makes me feel sick].
I wouldn't mind it if sometimes they didn't work, but as long as they warned us. Pretty much if I got an e-mail from the printer saying "It was a long weekend, I got too drunk and feel sick now. Please wait to print till tomorrow until my ink cartridges feel up to it" that would be fine with me. I was respond with "Ok printer, enjoy your day off and I hope you feel better. Try turning off and turning back on again, that works sometimes."

Tt's a long day at the office.

To do before I go

2006-04-03T09:34:00.000-05:00

There are a couple of things I have decided I want to do before I go:
1. I have no human pictures. They are all scenery. One night we all go out I'm bringing my camera and my basic goal is to fill up my memory card. It has to be a night a bunch of us are out. I will probably do this again the last night at Imperial, whilst I bust out the Imperial tie.

2. I'm thinkin this weekend, one night we go out to a club, I want to dress as rediculous as possible. By rediculous, I mean I want to dress like a British, clubbin metrosexual; one of those guys who walks into the club and thinks every lady is there to be with him. Items should include, but may not depending on budgetary concerns, cheap Italian leather shoes, designer dark wash jeans, button up, bright coloured shirt with some sort of ubsurd pattern on it, chain necklace [or pretty much anytype of gaudy jewelry, and perhaps cheap sunglasses. I may require some of the girls help with getting a good, awful gelled hairstyle. I will NOT do that mullet/mohawk crap that is in now. Nor will I be getting my eyebrows done, that would be taking it all too seriously and I don't want to fit the part that well.
This would be a good time for the camera night as well.

Anyway, quote of the day from me while I was talking to Ashleigh at our work area:
"Everytime I feel the warm paper come out of the printer, it makes me want to go to bed."
Ashleigh's response was, "That was a really weird thing to say."

LET'S GO SOX!

2006-04-02T19:06:00.000-05:00

I want to talk about Phantom. I want to talk about Paris [both the good and the bad]. But there is only one thing important now: OPENING DAY:
1. "What's wrong with you? You're going to miss Opening Day? That's like being present at the crucifixion but not sticking around for the resurrection. That's what it's like."
That's right, you can't miss opening day. That's why I'm watching the game this morning [it either starts at 1:30 a.m. It's time to call in sick for morning at work.
2.
I give the phrase WORLD CHAMPIONS a new meaning.Big boys don't cry? As soon as I see the World Series montage, I'm gonna be in tears. That's right, laugh if you want, but I've had one of the greatest moments in my life already. It's emotional. Oh god, they just went to the ESPN feed, I hear Thundertstruck... tears starting... must go. LETS GO SOX!

More good news

2006-03-30T09:41:00.000-06:00

From a story I read on rejected Hallmark cards [which is a great story idea]:
Among the losers is a holiday card that announces on its face, "Christmas just wouldn't be the same without peanut brittle." Then, inside: "Or Jesus."
Then there's a questionable get-well card with a big happy face on the front. On the inside, it reads, "Hi! Welcome back from your coma!"

I think a great card for someone who came out of a coma would be a "While you were out" card that recaps some things that happened while they were in the coma. Maybe throw in one or two fake pictures to throw them off [like the Cubs winning the World Series or something], but you would tell them that was a joke later.

It's time for

2006-03-30T07:00:00.000-06:00

Good News/Bad News:

Bad News first:
1. I can't keep the artwork I made for the convention. When I asked about them [not even for them], I pretty much got laughed at and the response was, "HA, NO WE ARE KEEPING THEM." I really wanted the pictures to put up in the apartment next year...
2. I can only go to Barcelona through Monday, and it's more expensive to fly home Monday instead of Tuesday.
3. No word on internships yet, need to harrass people.

In Between:
My parents got me two shirts from FCUK. One shirt isn't too bad but the other one, idk how my dad did this, but he was able to find the only "I'm 50 years old" type shirt in the store and got it for me. It's the thought that counts and I have the receipt. Plus the other shirt is nice.

Good News:
1. My tummy ache [damn you Pret a Manger] is gone.
2. Paris this weekend.
3. I found a beignet [the most delicious doughnut on earth] place in Chicago, I only pray it is still open. If you are from Chicago or near Chicago [within, say, 100000 miles] you must come with me if it's open.
4. Home in 4 weeks [ten days of work left].
5. WHITE SOX START SUNDAY.
6. My co-workers are planning their flights home from this Barcelona convention based on what they think their hangover status will be.

Posts about what has been going on in my life are relatively boring, so I apologize, but I felt like writing. It's mainly cause my stomach no longer hurts and I feel like Popeye after eating a can of spinach, except I do not have disporpotional muscles or an anchor tattoo.

Love me, computer

2006-03-27T17:31:00.000-06:00

As Derek and I conversed about what his computer would say if it could talk and was in love with DK, I came up with the best corny joke:

"Derek, this is your computer. There is a reason U and I are together on the keyboard. It is for us, Derek. I love you."

I leave out jokes I made about the "Insert" button as well as "tapping" the space bar.

Italia

2006-03-26T17:54:00.000-06:00

Earlier tonight the wireless wasn't working and I wasn't tired so I made this out of boredom:

Click it to make it bigger so you can really see it.

What's the buzz, tell me what's happenin.

2006-03-24T05:23:00.000-06:00

I have music from Jesus Christ Superstar in my head. Instead of it being one song in my head for like 15 min, my mind is rotating through the songs randomly. Oh well. Don't you know everything's alright, yes, everything's fine?

Also, what is the point of fonts like Webdings?? Who actually uses these? What business demanded the creation of Webdings for day to day work? I think they exist purely to irritate people looking through fonts for a headline.

Miami Fashion

2006-03-23T08:00:00.000-06:00

Miami Revise
By CHRISTINE MUHLKE
Crockett and Tubbs return to the scene of the crime this summer in the big-screen version of "Miami Vice," but their look will be on the street any day now. Versace did its take with snug white pants and dusty pastel shirts; Coach even added a slip-on leather espadrille. The best way to update the 80's look is to add slick accessories like the custom-painted gold Motorola Razr cellphone, available this summer from Voce (www.voce.com) — all the better to put the Raleigh's cultural attaché, Manijé, on speed dial. With a gold Richard Mille tourbillon chronograph, you can make it to the opening at the new Emmanuel Perrotin gallery on time. Arrive in your Chris-Craft Corsair 36 cigarette boat or a Ferrari, like the new F430 Spider. Elvis (the crocodile from the show) just might fit in the back seat.

It should be noted that I do not plan to slick my hair back [again] nor wear pink [it's not me]. BUT, man do I want a white sport coat, or even a suit... White is hot right now.

Speaking of fashion, this is the best quote I have ever seen. It's on shopping on Sevile Row [expensive men's clothing street]:
"It's not about shopping. It's about doing what's necessary to be a man."

I am now a published artist

2006-03-20T17:23:00.000-06:00

So I played around with some pictures in Illustrator because my boss asked me too. I thought they were for some posters I would later design or somethin. Turns out these photos will be displayed behind a bar during this creative convention EMAP is hosting in a week. Technically, this is my first displayed art work. Kinda cool.

Check 'em out. They are incredibly easy to make in Illustrator, so not much talent went into them, but still I worked hard...

Night and Day

2006-03-20T15:50:00.000-06:00

One thing I realized while I was sick is how I really appreciate nights and days and their separations. Basically, I like being able to say "Tomorrow is a new day." I'm not one for motos or stuff like that, but that's a good one to live by. No matter what crap you've been through in a day; no matter how terrible you feel, either physically or mentally; no matter how bleak a day can leave you; tomorrow can be completely different. There's always a new day ready for you to move on, move up, move out, whatever. In my case, each new tomorrow was a better chance of not coughing and sniffling. My tomorrows are still in counting. The one problem with tomorrow is it can lead to procrastination, because "There's always tomorrow."

Also, after rereading my Sean post, I feel bad cause I sound like an arrogant asshole at this guy. He was quite a nice guy, he just did some funny stuff that, at least most of which, he was aware taht he was being funny.

A man named Shawn

2006-03-19T17:20:00.000-06:00

Let me tell you about a guy I met in my weekend in Wales. His name is Shawn, he's our age and goes to Penn State. He's about 5'6", skinner than I am with a 15-year-old's glasses and a 40-year-old's haircut. He was the classic attach to a group, but never felt completely in type of person. The poor guy was a joke to the group of students he was with, and even the adults in Wales for birthday weekend shared a drunken laugh at his expense, while he was gone.
One of the very first quotes I heard him say was "I love zylophone solos. I'm so impressed with the talent." In the bus ride to our hike, he described this one dancing, singing game he and some other people played at the National Residence Hall Convention. I'm not quite sure why that type of convention is necessary nor why anyone would want to go, but I digress. He described his intense, team building ropes course to the drunken adults, only to embarrass himself as he bragged about his intense time keeping skills almost simulataneously as he found out he was late for a meeting. But I save the best for last:
After an intense two glasses on wine, dear Shawn was feeling a bit tipsy. Some of his fellow students convinced him to sing for us. So he jumped up on the bench, put on his iPod, and proceeded to sing and dance for us. He started off with a song from Rent, full with complete lyrics and complimenting but very awkward dance moves. He transfered into Mambo Number 5, complete with changing the names to those in the Wales program, myself included. His finale, upon request from one of the girls, was "My Humps." Here's to Shawn.

Awww

2006-03-15T13:54:00.000-06:00

I feel bad for you guys because you all miss the highlights of Joe and Derek in our flat. For instance, both of us sang James Blunt "You're Beautiful" outloud tonight in high pitched voices. It was awesome.

Just somethin to think about.

My heart has been crushed...

2006-03-15T06:15:00.000-06:00

So you need to be a U.K. citizen to actually win anything in the Monopoly game. I can probably get away with free Big Macs and stuff but still, the fun has been taken out of it.

One cool thing about the game here is that they rename all the Monopoly board pieces for London sites. That is all.

I'm in trouble AGAIN

2006-03-14T14:14:00.000-06:00

There are two promotions that I consciously allow myself to fall for. One was the Coke with lime commercial with the "You put the lime in the coke, you nut" song. The other is the McDonald's Monopoly game.
Well, much to my excitement, the McDonald's Monpoly game is in LONDON starting TOMORROW. I'm gonna lose lots of money the next couple of weeks...

WHAT

2006-03-13T15:13:00.000-06:00

I just talked to Derek for five minutes and he didn't hear a single word I said. If you are ever by him, and he is on his computer, try it, it's fun. He is so focused on the computer he completely tunes out the world. You can say anything and he won't hear you. In fact, I have a better chance on communicating to him through this blog then I do by saying something out loud now. Maybe that's why he doesn't come out as much. Wait, let me try something:

DEREK, COME OUT TONIGHT. IT WILL BE FUN. YOU WILL BE UP LATE ANYWAY, MIGHT AS WELL BE DRUNK.

Results to come later.

Also, by British co-worker tried to imitate a Southern accent and it was the funniest imitation I've heard in my life.

Oh yea

2006-03-12T16:35:00.000-06:00

I got an uncontrollable urge for ice cream so I went out and got Strawberry Cheesecake Ice Cream. Let's just say there's a party in my mouth and everyone is invited.

When in Rome...

2006-03-12T11:43:00.000-06:00

Alright, I'm back from Italy. You will read nothing of it in this blog. I'm not much for writing vacation recaps. Vacations are much better told in stories via person to person contact. I'll tell you all about it when I return in 7 weeks.

Instead, I leave you with a transcript of the best speech I've ever heard. It comes from Dwight Schrute and, though the speech can only be fully appreciated when you see it in person [on The Office], the words still ring true:

Blood alone moves the wheels of history! Have you ever asked yourselves in an hour of meditation, which everyone finds during the day: how long we have been striving for greatness? Not only the years we've been at war, the war of work! But from the moment, as a child, when we realized the world could be conquered; it has been a lifetime struggle, a never ending fight I say to you. And you will understand it is a privilage to fight. WE ARE WARRIORS! Salesmen of Northeastern Penn., I ask you, once more rise and be worthy of this historical hour! No revolution is worth anything unless it can defend itself! Some people will tell you "salesman" is a bad word. They'll conjur up images of car salesmen and door to door charletons. This is our duty to change their perception. I say, salesmen, and women, of the world: Unite! We must never acquiesce, for it is "Together, together that we prevail!" We must never cede control of the motherland, for it is "Together that we prevail!"

Spy Game [Revised]

2006-03-02T12:32:00.000-06:00

Ok I lied on numerous fronts in my last post. First, that obviously wasn't my last post before I left. Second, you don't have to be lonely or depressed or anything to go out on your own for awile.
It occured to me on the Tube that living abroad for a good period of time on your own is pretty much what I'm doing now. I basically came to London knowing one person, am traveling around Europe with people I didn't know two months ago [but who are awesome of course, ladies], and working in a surprisingly different culture. I think the last post has a sort of sad theme to it because I just finished boxing labeling 300 promotional things for EMAP. Or it may be from spending too much time around Derek.

Anyway, you all have fun these next couple of weeks. Leave some lovin.

Oh, I've also decided that I love British accents but absolutely hate British phrases, slang, and general British words.